Cell Block Tango
by ClosingWallsAndTickingClocks
Summary: The ladies of Once Upon A Time - Chicago Style! This is for someone on Tumblr that I follow who said she came up with this idea watching "Chicago", so I thought I'd give her a fic for it P Don't own OUAT this was made for fun! hope you like it!


**This is for someone on Tumblr that I follow who said she came up with this idea watching "Chicago", so I thought I'd give her a fic for it =P She has no idea I'm making this, it'll be funny to see her reaction when I post it to her. Anyway, here you go!**

**She didn't mention a Roxie, so I thought I would make it a random character that isn't from Once. =)**

* * *

Tap dripping. Footsteps pounding. Nails hitting steel.

Pause.

Tap dripping. Footsteps pounding. Nails hitting steel.

Pause.

Carly grits her teeth and clamps her hands over her ears, wanting just a second of peace from the shit hole she's landed herself in. But no, they can't even grant her that...the rhythm continues.

Tap dripping. Footsteps pounding. Nails hitting steel.

And then, the sound of a matchstick scraping along stiff paper, and a faint voice calling,

"Pop." Carly's eyes snap open, and she isn't sure if she's dreaming or not. Because suddenly, her cell door is opening, and a spotlight is centered straight on her.

"Six."

"Squish."

"Ah Ah!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

Carly lifts herself off her bed, eyes wide and heart racing as she walks over to her open cell door, and suddenly, the entire jail is gone, replaced with a stage, but half the stage is cut off, cell doors blocking it.

_"And now, the six merry murderesses of the Storybrooke County Jail in their rendition of...'The Cell Block Tango'." _A voice calls out. Carly knows she's dreaming now, but she's not even sure what she's dreaming of. She can still hear the voices shouting "Pop!" "Six!" "Squish!" "Ah Ah!" "Cicero!" "Lipschitz" along with the beat and suddenly, her spotlight turns over to a small table with a chair.

She takes a seat cautiously, not sure what to expect, and the spotlight moves toward the stage, and that's when Carly sees it...

Six women sauntering slowly toward the bars, the rhythm growling louder until the one furthest to the left slams her hand against the bars, the spotlight zooming toward her and she shouts, "POP!"

Carly knows her name is Ruby, she saw her talking to a bunch of ladies earlier today while they were walking to their cells, lighting matches as she went.

The spotlight moves to the woman next to Ruby, who shouts "Six!" and bends down, her body pressed against the bars in an almost seductive manner. Mary Margaret was her name, Carly remembers, although some of the women call her "Snow" for short, because her skin is so pale.

The spotlight turns to the woman beside "Snow" and she grabs the bars, pushing herself right into them and hissing "Squish!" Carly's only heard her name in passing: Emma.

Next: "Ah Ah!" Who Carly knows is Belle, because she keeps shouting about her innocence in what little English she knows.

The spotlight moves to the next person and Carly knows who she is straight away. She shouts "Cicero" but Carly knows her as Regina, the famous dancer who brutally murdered her boyfriend and best friend, but claims she can't remember committing the crime.

And lastly, "Lipschitz" who Carly knows is really named Mulan.

Carly is entranced by how they all press themselves against the bars, whispering their names in an almost chant-like way. She can't help a smile as she slowly begins to realize that even though this is a dream, it's a production, it's a choreograph...

It's a performance.

Trumpets and horns join the rhythm and all six ladies slam the bars once more, eyes almost mad with hunger and passion.

_"He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blame!  
If youd've been there, if youd've seen it!_  
_I betcha you would've done the same!"_

Suddenly, a part of the cell drops off and falls to the ground, and Ruby pushes herself through, flicking her hair back and a malicious grin showing sparkling white teeth. The ladies continue singing "He had it coming!" in the background and suddenly, a man comes on stage, his steps slow and predatory, but Ruby pays him no mind, her eyes focusing on Carly, who can't help but blush.

"You know how people have these little habits that get you down?" She hisses, sauntering forward and stopping as the man reaches her, his left hand wrapping around her waist as she wraps one leg around his, one arm resting around his neck and the other joining his right in a vice like lock.

"Like Peter! Peter liked to chew gum..." She says, her green eyes bright with excitement before they narrow and she gives her head a little shake. "No...not chew..." Her face screws up in disgust and she utters the word as if it's poison to her lips.

"Pop." The man's head saunters forward and comes to rest into her neck and she unwraps her leg from around his waist, eyes boring into his as she hisses her next words.

"So I came home this one day and I'm really irritated and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy and there's Peter...lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing! No...not chewing..." She grips the mans face with one hand and forces it sideways, pressing her lips to his ears.

"Popping!" She shouts. The man drops to the floor and she hooks a leg under his arm, lifting him back up as she jumps onto him, her legs wrapping around his waist once more. Her eyes met Carly's again and she grits her teeth, a small but vicious smile playing on her lips.

"So I said to him, I said 'You pop that gum one more time...'" She trails off, and looks at the man, sighing deeply as his gaze moves to something in the distance, his jaws working intensely to chew the small piece of gum in his mouth. She looks down at his mouth, and the excitement returns to her bright green eyes.

"And he did." She says wearily, removing her entangled limbs from the man and placing her hand on his shoulder, moving behind him as she continued, "So I took the shotgun off the wall and I shot two warning shots..." She twists the man arm and he winces, collapsing to his knees and she presses her heel into the back of his neck, still holding his arms tightly.

"Into his head!" She hisses slowly. The man lets out a final grunt before she leans forward and wraps a hand around his neck and pulls. A red cloth flashes into Ruby's hand as she pushes the man down, and begins singing with the other ladies.

"_He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blame!" _The man is cowering away from her, trying his best to crawl away, but she saunters forward, kicking her leg out and almost connecting with his face. He turns his back on her, getting to his feet and about to run when she jumps on his back and wraps the red cloth around his neck tightly, her face full of rage and excitement. He drops to the floor lifelessly, and she picks him up by the neck with the red cloth.

_"If youd've been there! If youd've heard it! I betcha you would've done the same!"_ She twists the red cloth, forcing him to face her and he grabs her waist once more, the both of them holding each other passionately as she saunters off to the left, the malicious glint her eyes never leaving as Mary Margaret steps out from behind the bars, a small smirk lighting her pale features and blood red lips.

"I met David Nolan from Storybrooke, Maine about two years ago, and he told me he was single." She called out, just as another man came to the stage, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace. A small smile lit her face as she looked from the young man, to Carly, raising a single eyebrow as she joins his hands in a dance pose.

"We hit it off right away. So we started living together...he'd go to work, he'd come home...I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner..." She tiptoes around him as she says this, her eyes never leaving his until finally, she wraps an arm around his neck and glares at him, all traces of a smile gone.

"And then I found out." Her nails dig into his skin as she pushes him to the floor, lying on top of him as she looks up at Carly, who is gazing at her in shock. Her face is furious as she spits out "Single he told me! Single MY ASS! Not only was he married, oh no...he had six wives!" She caresses the mans face lovingly, a small smile returning as she leans closer to him. "One of those Mormons, you know. So that night when he came home from work, I fixed him his drink as usual..." She kisses the young man passionately, and his arms go from around her waist, to lying flat on the floor in less than a second, and Mary Margaret pulls out of his mouth with her a teeth, a blood red cloth. "You know some guys just can't hold their arsenic!" She shouts through the cloth, her eyes wild with anger as she pushes herself off the young man and tosses him aside. Ruby joins her once more and both of them begin a tango with the two men, singing once more with even more passion:

_"He had it coming! He had it coming! He took a flower in its prime!  
And then he used it! And he abused it! It was a murder, but not a crime!" _

Emma sauntered forward now, blonde hair flowing as her heels clacked against the floor, her eyes turning to the young man who now came onto the stage, his eyes locking with hers in a passionate stare-down.

"Now I'm standing in the kitchen, carving up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business." She says calmly, moving in a circle as the man opposite her never breaks eye contact, the rage in his eyes equal to the rage in hers. "In storms my husband, Neal, in a jealous rage. 'You been screwing the milkman?' He says. He was crazy! And he kept screaming, 'You been screwing the milkman?'" Emma rushes forward and wraps an arm around his waist, the other reaching for his belt. "And then he ran into my knife..." She whispers, dragging herself up until her lips reach his ear. "He ran into my knife ten times!" She pulls back and the man collapses to his knees as a red cloth begins unraveling from around his waist.

_"If youd've been there! If youd've seen it! I betcha you would've done the same!" _She pushes the cloth down with her foot and wraps it around his neck, letting out a small laugh as Ruby and Mary Margaret attach themselves to the bars, Ruby pushing herself next to Regina, whose hand clasps hers tightly.

Belle steps forward and suddenly, everything turns almost silent, an almost harmonic tune playing as she begins dancing with an older man, speaking in a language Carly can't understand, but knows that she means the government blamed her for killing her husband.

"But did you do it?" Carly had asked her, when she first met her.

"Ah ah! Not guilty!" Belle cries, pulling a white cloth from the behind the mans back, a show of surrender as she's wrapped in his embrace, her expression torn between sadness and betrayal. The music slows down now, becoming almost melodic as the ladies separate a path with their male dance partners...

And Regina steps forward, stamping on the cigarette she was smoking and sighing loudly.

"My best friend Maleficent and I had this double act and my husband, Daniel traveled around with us." She calls out, looking at Carly blankly as a woman and a man step onto the stage, both of the moving toward her slowly, but their eyes are on each other, not Regina. "Now, for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row." The man and the woman grab Regina tightly and begin moving along with her commands.

"One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other!" She shouts, smiling at the woman behind her lightly. She pushs them both away lightly, her expression vacant.

"So this one night before the show, we're down at the Hotel Cicero. The three of us, boozing, having a few laughs and we run out of ice. So I go out to get some..." She comes to a stop at the front of the stage, a glint of anger in her eyes as the spotlight centers on her. "I come back, open the door...And there's Maleficent and Daniel doing the number Seventeen...the spread eagle!" The other girls gasp in shock and Regina shrugs.

"Well I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later...when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead!" She shouts, pulling two red cloths and wrapping them around her hands tightly before she stamps her foot and the man and woman try to embrace her. She shoves them away and begins singing angrily, fire burning in her eyes.

_"They had it coming! They had it coming! They had it coming all along!" _The other woman begin chanting along with her behind her, dancing with their own partners as Regina glowers down at Carly.

"_I didn't do it! But if I'd done it! How could you tell me that I was wrong?" _

She shoves the man and the woman off the stage, and the male dancer partners run in fright as Regina saunters toward her girls, getting particularly playful with Ruby before standing in front of them and singing as loud as her voice can carry, the others joining and dancing behind her.

_"They had it coming! They had it coming! They had it coming all along!_  
_I didn't do it! But if I'd done it! How could you tell me that I was wrong?"_

Mulan steps through the bars, the final girl and a man joins her on stage, taking her hand and wrapping an arm around her waist from behind. She smiles lightly at him before looking at Carly.

"I loved Phillip Lipschitz more than I could possibly say." She says calmly, her hand meeting the mans gently and giving it a squeeze. "He was a real artistic guy. Sensitive...a painter. But he was always trying to find himself." She moves behind him now, hand at his shoulder and moving to his neck. "He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way he found Aurora...I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences." She pulls out a red cloth and wraps it around his neck. "He saw himself alive...and I saw him DEAD!" She twists the red cloth and the man falls to the floor, then begins crawling away as Mulan and the other women begin marching forward.

_"The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!_  
_The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!"_

All of them stop beside each other, then begin dancing in unison, all of them shouting at the top of their lungs.

_"They had it coming! They had it coming! They had it coming all along!_  
_'Cause if they used us, and they abused us! How could you tell us that we were wrong?"_

Regina suddenly steps forward and begins dancing the tango with each woman in turn, passion burning in her eyes and growing even wider as she pulls Ruby in, a smirk lighting her face as they sing in unison.

_"He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blame!_  
_ If youd've been there! If youd've seen it! I betcha you would have done the same!"_

The sound of steel clanging pulls Carly out of her dream and she sits up in bed, a gasp escaping her lips as she looks around her empty cell, looking at the closed jail cell door and sighing, but laying back down on the bed with a smile on her face as six simple words ring in her head.

"Pop!"

"Six!"

"Squish!"

"Ah Ah!"

"Cicero!"

"Lipschitz!"


End file.
